my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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