That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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