respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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