PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
