I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
