Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
