I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
