Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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