she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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