I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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