There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I will be naked everywhere
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
