It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
