if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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