And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
