I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
