I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
