Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This is my gift to your gina
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
