I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I need to calm my uterus...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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