Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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