I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
