I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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