just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
