Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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