i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
