I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
