I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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