Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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