Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
