she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
