Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
