We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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