My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sarcasm needs its own font
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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