Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
