went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
