So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
