this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
