His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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