in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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