I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
