I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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