True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
