is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
