So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
