This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
