I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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