anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
