Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
