So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
