the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
