omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
