I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm having to shit out rocks
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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